Skip to main content

And one for the Mrs...

The cleaning lady wanted me to fill some forms for her so that she could get an identity card for working in the apartment. She gave me her voter’s card and asked me to copy details from it. Slightly bewildered, I looked at the card twice. Her name on it said R….a Bewa. “Bewa” means widow in Urdu and I found it odd  for someone to have a family name like that. When I asked her she told me that her husband passed away a few years back and since then in all the official documents her surname is written as Bewa. When he was alive she used to write her name as R…a Bibi. I was stunned. It was a tragic reflection of marital status overshadowing a woman’s identity.

After the initial shock, I brushed it off as something that perhaps still resides in a certain economic strata. After all, the women around me have moved on from the evident stamps of wearing a chooda, sindoor and bichuwa to declare their marital status to the world. They don’t even change their surnames after marriage.

I would have possibly forgotten about this incident until one day the subtler but more widespread version of it glared back at me. There it was, right in front, blatantly on a telephone bill. Those three letters “Mrs”. How different was adding a prefix to your name related to your marital status from using it as your surname? On one hand the question “are you married” is becoming taboo during the recruitment interview while on the other hand the information is readily available through the way the woman is addressed.

The obsession to address every female adult as Mrs is rampant across the country. The issue is both of identity crisis as well as social faux pas. The online forms for many applications may give one an option to select Ms which is agnostic to the marital status, but most printed official documents like utility bills, government issued notices would by default address the recipient woman as Mrs XXXX. Look at an electricity bill from a state electrical board.  It only has an option of Mrs or Shrimati (Hindi title for adult married female) for a woman resident.

Funnily Mrs does not have an official full form. It is believed to have initiated from Mistress following Mr which originated from Master. However in India it is pronounced in various different forms like – missus, misses, meesez, meesej, or missis. Such is our fondness for this term that it has also become a synonym for wife amongst the 'trying to be urbane' population. How can we forget the detergent ad with a man constantly harping “Meesez (Mrs) ko boliye brush lagane ka!” or the paint ad with the punch line “naya ghar, nayi Meesez , badhiya hai”. 

After much debate for many years, around the 1980s, Ms was accepted in the English language as a more appropriate way of addressing women instead of an allusion to their marital status through a Miss or Mrs. But there is no such equivalent in Hindi. The only two titles for addressing women are Shrimati (for married) and Kumari (unmarried). Perhaps since our language does not support any other format of female existence, we refuse to move on from imposing the use of Mrs.

It took 85 years for “Ms” to be accepted. I wonder how long it will take to have an Indian equivalent or for us to adopt “Ms” in our local dialects in the absence of a corresponding term. Come to think of it, after all these years there is still no hindi word for divorcee (the commonly used term talaqshuda has been borrowed from Urdu). I hope that we will cross the bridge soon and stop prefixing the marital status badge as the title. Else with the growing fascination for peeping inside bedrooms, it won’t be surprising if someday we see the number of children people have as a suffix to their names...


Popular posts from this blog

Middle-aged, Middle class and Single!

The headline caught your attention didn’t it? Well, that is  why the male protagonist in a popular Indian TV soap was screaming these words at the top of his lungs at the female protagonist. I do follow TV soaps occasionally to keep myself abreast as they are great social conversation starters when I find myself out of words  in specific settings and I continue to be awed by how much they impact the way people think.   Disclaimers – if you have never watched an Indian Balaji telefilms soap or if you do not think that television soaps impact and reflect the social mindset, this may not be for you. When Indian television launched daily soaps, Ekta Kapoor revolutionized it by giving us the typical Indian Bahu who wore the mangal sutra like a medallion around her neck and retired to bed every night in all her finery. An excessively regressive portrayal of an Indian household where under the garb of sanskaars – everyone was adulterous, jealous and immortal. Though some turned up

The Little Packages of Goodness

Last week I went to watch a movie with my mum and while coming out she needed some help to walk down the slope. A young man standing next to her noticed her extending her hand to seek support and kindly held her hand and helped her get down the slope amongst the jostling crowd.   A friend recently posted on FB that she was proud of her husband helping someone who had a heart attack in a restaurant where they were dining. Few years back, we were in a multi - storey building when an earthquake struck and as we rushed down, we were surprised to be one of the only two families who had brought our pet dog down along with us. The rest had left their pets behind. What’s so special about these incidents that make them worth mentioning?   These are simple acts of compassion that are waning away from our lives. Stand in front of the elevator of a mall on a busy weekend and you will see people pushing each other without even considering if there is an elderly person, a woman with a

The Inheritance of Fear

Yesterday, a friend’s facebook status talked about her turning into a paranoid parent who is afraid to trust anyone. This was a reaction to the news of a 4 year old being raped by her school bus conductor. I could not agree with her more. Every morning, the plethora of murders, rapes and robberies reported only adds to the fear. There is a lot of discussion in the last month on why do people not stop on the road to help victims. Is it just because of the fear of going to the police? Or is it a much deeper rooted fear of our own safety when we see someone trying to stop the car on the road as a result of the repeated stories we have heard of people being stopped on the road on the pretext of an accident or a person in need of help and then being robbed or killed. “Keep the car door locked, do not open the window even if someone knocks”, most of us would have received and given this advice to our near and dear ones.   Around 3 years ago, while driving my cousin to her exam cente